We moveeed! yayyyy! Finally Boyfriend and I have a place all to ourselves (minus the dogs of course). We just hit our 2 years living together and we can finally deal with not having roommates! It was such a stressful experience, mostly because I was just off my crutches and couldnt carry anything super heavy. But we are slowly getting settled and its great! If only my pup could get over her anxiety of being in a new place.
As stressful as moving was, we are attempting to make things work financially. Its working for Boyfriend but I’ve been trying to go back to school this semester so I wasnt able to work as much as I wanted too. My gas station job took that as license to screw me over and work me one day a week, which means I had to pick up a second job (30mins away). I was working at a dog kennel, but the owner only wanted me for Thanksgiving this month, so I had to quit there. I’m living the struggle financially. I have to stop going to school so I can make my car payment and its a bunch of poop.
Because of my financial struggle its been hard to get my necessary amount of nutrient in. I’m learning how to spend responsibly, which includes cheap grocery shopping. But I still am struggling on what I can and cant eat. Some things make me really sick and some just gets me full wayyyyyy to quickly.
Overall I’m 60lbs down and I’m thinking I’ve went from a size 22-16(?). So there is that.
He let me be there for the engagement (which is a big deal, his family wasnt even there). Even though its hard for me to get behind this union, I’m happy that he found “the love of his life”.
on a selfish note, they’ll be getting married next September and I should have lost almost all my excess weight by then! Since I’m in the wedding party, maybe finally I wont be the “fat friend” :P
But all this wedding stuff is making me stress and wonder when Boyfriend is going to pop the question. We’ve already decided that we want to spend our lives together. We’ve had the talks and all that fun shit. Now where is my ring?! :3
I think part of me is mourning the loss of myself. Because in all honesty, everyone says weight doesn’t make you who you are. But it does. I’m that hilarious fat friend, always accepting that everyone is attracted to my friends before me because of that. What do I do when I don’t have my fat to hide behind anymore? What do I do if I lose weight and still don’t feel attractive? Uffda.
I’m a huge ball of stress.
School and family is running me thin.
But anyway, I’m having eating issues.
I feel like no matter what I do, I’m going to throw up. I ate an oz of tofu and then tried to eat some zucchini and was instantly gross full.
I should be up to 2oz of protein and 1oz of fiber by now. The only thing I can eat that doesn’t make me hate myself is white fish.
I’ve thrown up more in the last month then I have in the last 10years.
I can’t get ahold of my doctor lady. I was suppose to have an appointment yesterday but noone called me and no one has answered my calls. What the eff, man.
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